Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Pakistanizing Superheroes

Every Country needs superheroes and Pakistan is no exception.
Wonder-Woman -
Every country needs a Woman as a hero to release them from Male Dominated societies in which women are treated as crap or to make a super-power filled sandwich. A Pakistani Wonder Woman would excel at both roles. Put men in it’s place and also make a killer sandwich while she’s at it. She might have a problem with her half naked clothes revealing too much in a Muslim country and I don’t know what exactly she would able to achieve running around half naked with a lasso. But hey she’s wonder woman and that’s how she rolls yo.

Wonderwoman saving Pakistan. Pakistani Style.
(The Sialkot reference refers to hanging of the two innocent brothers. Also saw it in a comic on facebook)
Hulk -
If there was ever a superhero that would define Pakistan it would be Hulk. He’s green, he’s huge, irrational, angry, emotional, destructive, and not very bright. But underneath all that destruction and anger etc he has a nice warm heart and he’s just trying to save the world one step at a time just like us Pakistanis. He just doesn’t realize it yet.

Hulk sacrificing himself for the greater good. What a Champion.
If Hulk wasn’t a superhero he would have also made a very excellent Pindi Boy. Not wearing a shirt, trying to show your abs. having horrible grammar and English. Just needs a facebook account and a Honda Motorbike and he would make the PERFECT pindi boy.
Batman -
Batman : My parents…… were killed in a mugging.
Villian: My parents were killed in a bombing. Man the f*ck up. Shit happens.
Batman: Cool story bro.
Just me or judging by recent haalat/situation here Batman’s dead parents story wouldn’t gather much sympathy. But still A Pakistani Batman would be awesome. The only problem would be he can’t really scare the shit out of people with darkness and stuff since there’s no electricity 90 percent of the time. So basically he’s just a grown man with a bat fetish if he decided to be hero here.

Sohrab. Everyone's favorite Bicycle.
Logistically speaking Spiderman would have the hardest time getting through Pakistan. There aren’t many tall buildings here and the ones that are tall usually fall down if any external force no matter how small is applied to them. And if he does manage to get around the city by his web he’ll most probably end up slitting his throat due to some kite string and end up dying. (That would be pretty hilarious if it happened tbh) and instead of the one traditional loving aunt he would have about 15 aunts with 30 cousins (What? we like to make love) so his whole life would be pretty awkward.

I always wanted to see Spiderman die like this.


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