Monday, June 13, 2011

5 bullshit stories Media Propaganda made us believe

You know how you look at a woman from a certain angle and she turns out to be the most beautiful woman you’ve ever come across. Only later when you see her face to face you realize she’s actually a guy? Well Media propaganda is like that. Full of bullshit.  5 stories we were told by the media/state/whatever you put it.


The Toppling of Saddam Hussien’s Statue aka Iraqis being Liberated.
What they told us - 
Saddam’s Statue being destroyed and razed to the ground meant a victory for Iraq. What the media kind of potrayed was that Iraq is free now. Iraqis are celebrating now they are liberated and any second now half naked blondes will come holding M-16s and start firing in the sky while all of us smell the sweet f*cking scent of victory.

(The video explains what they told us and what actually happened) What actually happened - 
Sadly there were no half naked blondes celebrating. It was just a few hundered people mostly consisting of marines and journalists  trying to portray victory and a symbolic event. I think it’s pretty evident and the 110,000 dead iraqis who were liberated (read killed) are probably wishing such liberation stayed away from them.
More people showed up to my Birthday Party. Half of them were imaginary but that doesn't matter.
The Gulf of Tonkin Incident -
What They Said - 
If someone attacks you and you’re powerful enough to beat the shit out of him. You would do it right? Well that’s what The American Navy did in Vietnam in two separate incidents. This incident was also a major event in the lead up to The Vietnam War.  In short The American Navy was attacked and they attacked back which in turn led to justification in going to war with Vietnam  (read up the entire article on wikipedia) here
What Actually Happened -
If you go punch a wall and end up breaking your hand but tell your dad the kid next door did it. So your dad ends up bombing the kid next door. Well that’s what pretty much actually happened. In the first incident Vietnamese didn’t really start the shooting. The Americans did and in the second incident well the US Navy shot at water and were “attacked” back (there were no boats) if the sailors didnt mix some shrooms, weed, coke and smoked it before shooting I’m sure they were all mentally retarded. The consequence was clear The War in Vietnam and we all know what happened.
Incubator Babies -
What They Said happened -
A woman who’s identity was kept secret at the time testified that she saw Iraqi soldiers basically snap babies out of incubators and throw them out to die like this was some f*cking Resident Evil game in which you see sick psychos eating little babies. Her story was used as one of the reasons to justify The Gulf War.
What Actually Happened -
It turned out after the war when more media were allowed to visit that the story was bullshit. It also turned out  that the saw called mystery women who saw the babies being thrown was actually the daughter of The Kuwaiti Ambassador to the USA. So basically it was some good ol bullshit propaganda. Yay!
Yea I'm the ambassadors daughter and I have daddy issues and my dad won't love me if I don't bullshit and make up a story. My boyfriend thinks I'm ugly too so I'm just going to continue with my bullshit and I hate babies.
The Palestine – Israel “Conflict”
What They Tell us -
Palestine, Israel is a conflict, is a war. Which in logical terms both are equal in terms of power, money and influence and are fighting each other for land.
What’s actually happening -
If a small kid gets beat up by a huge bully. The story isn’t termed as a conflict between two kids it’s termed as a powerful bully beating the shit out of the defenseless kid.
Islam is to blame for The Taliban. 
What they tell us -
You know those dudes wearing the huge turbans with huge beards blowing themselves and other shit up while killing civilians and mostly their own people yea Islam’s to blame for that. And we’re gonna save them from this travesty and rescue the world like always.. Because that’s the truth and nothing but the truth except…..
What actually happened -
You know as a kid you want a baby bear. And you feed and love the cub/baby bear as one of your own. You give him money, you give him food and you watch him grow and see him become an Adult bear and then he ends up eating you.  Well that’s what happened with The US and Taliban. The Us being the kid while The Taliban being the baby bear who ends up eating them. They funded The Taliban and ISI with money and weapons so they could fight off the Soviets and end communism and shit. When they did that for them. They stopped giving a shit about them and then they turned into the monster you see now. Basically The Taliban is a neglected child with a rich daddy who stopped caring about him and married a hot woman and had much prettier kids with her.

Bonus Entry – Bin Laden and his mystical horny compound
What they are telling us -
Basically The Navy SEALS watched a Rambo movie went all bat shit crazy in Abbotabad and killed Bin Laden. American Heroes. F*ck yea. And the media started reporting the bullshit. First they showed OBL watching himself on tv in his house. (The guy in the video actually looks like a kulfi wala you see on the streets of Pindi selling kulfis to little kids for 10 rupees.)  And then they said they found porn in his house. So basically in short what they’re trying to tell us is that OBL was an old man with 3 wives who couldn’t sexually please him enough so he turned to watching porn and mastrubating and during the breaks from all the heavy masturbation he watched videos of himself.
What Actually Happened - 
Well we don’t know yet. Only time will tell and some noob will sell his actual story to The New York times in 5 years time. If I’m alive for that long which I doubt and this blog still exists I’ll be sure to edit it.
War-Hero. F*ck Yea!
(Note – If any of the facts seem wrong apologize wrote it in a hurry. Most of the facts were picked from Wikipedia and actual news sites. Don’t worry I didn’t visit any conspiracy  sites.)


ateeq mughal said...

r u a secret agent what a fascinating post.......10 out of 10......bullshit....:D

Hamza Hakimi said...

Lol i wish i was! so i could write more than just assumptions :)